The Shoveler, the Freak, CanIHelpYou?, Loretta the Flea-Circus Ring Mistress, and First-Class Malcolm. These are the five teenagers lost in the Hemmings family's maze of tangled secrets. Only a generation removed from being simple Pennsylvania potato farmers, Gottfried and Marla Hemmings managed to trade digging spuds for developing subdivisions and now sit atop a seven-figure bank account, wealth they've declined to pass on to their adult children or their teenage grandchildren.

As the rot just beneath the surface of the Hemmings precious white suburban respectability begins to spread, the far-flung grandchildren gradually find their ways back to each other, just in time to uncover the terrible cost of maintaining the family name.